Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
