i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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