That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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