I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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