May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
