I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
