You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
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