u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
