My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
