i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
