Already got asked if we're dating
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
