Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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