I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
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