im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
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