u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
