So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
