Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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