Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
