I just saw a hot homeless man
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
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