All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
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