please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
