That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
