im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
