So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
