Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
