then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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