I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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