Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
