Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
