hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
