the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
