Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
