I must be too annoying 4 u.
If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
