I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
