Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
