the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
