I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Randomize
