So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Randomize
