I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
i drank out of a bidet.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
