its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize