To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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