Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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