Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
being pregnant is like rehab
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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