my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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