If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Randomize
