Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
