All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
pop tarts are not kleenex
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
