OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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