My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
