I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
