this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
