Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
