I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
