see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Randomize
