On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
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