My hand turned me down
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Man, jail baloney is awful.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
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