he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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