she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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