At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I came so hard my ears popped.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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