No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
