My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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