I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
