Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
You may now shotgun with the bride
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Randomize
