U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
