capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Randomize
