I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
