Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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