i think my tv is drunk
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Randomize
