I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
