honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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